I do not like cabbage. Therefore, I have decided that cabbage does not exist.

The claims of scientists that cabbage does exist are merely unproven hypotheses.

The evidence offered for the existence of cabbage is either flawed, or the science has been done improperly; as it posits the existence of a nonexistent thing, it must therefore be based on error.

It makes no difference to my conclusion how many other people say that cabbage does exist, or how expert they are on the subject; they are simply jumping on the cabbage bandwagon; they are in it for the money, and no consensus on the existence of cabbage will be meaningful while there are still a few, honest people like me who continue to challenge this claim.

On occasions, someone has pointed to a green, roughly spherical object and said; ‘Look, a cabbage.’ I am willing to accept that there may be some circumstances under which cabbage-like objects may exist, but this is not definitive proof, as the object is just as likely to be a papier mache model, and everyone knows how unlike real life models are. Anyone who believes, from the output of models, that cabbage is clearly present, is simply mistaken. The resemblance to a cabbage is coincidental.

As I do not accept the existence of cabbage, I am not afraid of bing fed cabbage, or of the consequences of being fed cabbage.

I have a suspicion that the claims of the existence of cabbage may be motivated by a conspiracy of governments who want us to change our meat-eating habits, restrain our traditional freedoms and/or find an excuse to take more of our wealth in the form of tax.

Thirty years ago, they said that  we were entering a cabbage-free world; why should I listen know if they start telling me the opposite?

My stance on cabbage is self-evidently rational and scientific, so anyone who contradicts it is ipso facto either an idiot or a gullible fool, or both.

I am not a member of the House of Lords.

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